My madness spilling out

So I doubt anybody even reads my blog... But if I'm wrong and there IS somebody out there reading this, then just bare with me as my thoughts come out.. With no fingers pointed at anyone..

Okay, I'm 17 years old that does NOT mean that I don't have stress. Because believe it or not people I have so much stress that I have stomache ulcers, which make me throw up everything I eat. But luckly it's been five days since I threw up last. I also have gone to a teen therapist a time or two, which did no good because his advice sucked and was no help what so ever...

This is how my week has been, I broke up with my boyfriend Indy after six months and eleven days.. It totally crushed my heart and nothing has ever hurt so bad, I speant three days praying and crying like a baby. I didn't even want to put on clothes and wouldn't unless I had to.
While him and I were "taking time to think" I found out that this friend of mine (who was kinda cute and liked me) has a child and is engaged.. Made me sick at my stomache..
So I called my sister because I was hurting so bad over the break up and the reasons for the break up, that I needed her support and comfort.. Here is out the phone call went: (In tears) "Hello? Girl it's me, Mesa... We broke up. I was walking in walmart crying. I can't believe we broke up" (totally cheering) "Mesa that's great! hahaha wow, how long was that anyway? Good for you!"

How is that suppose to cheer me up? I was in tears and she cheered... Honestly it made me feel like she stabbed my already broken heart.. When we got off the phone I tossed my cell phone over across the room (easy to do it in a trailer) as I layed back on my parents bed and picked up my pin again, I hear the Hamster dance playing on my cell phone. Knowing who it was I rushed to pick it back up and whipe away my tears, it was a friend.... One I've written about before here: http://themadnessofmesa.blogspot.com/2009/08/does-that-chapter-end-or-is-it-only.html
He was on his way to pick up his date for the night but he wanted to check and make sure I was ok.. He didn't cheer when I told him about Indy and I breaking up, but he was the support I needed at the time. Since he was driving to get his date we didn't talk long, but it was long enough to make me feel better.

In four days I was asked out by guys I know a total of 28 times.. Holy cow, on one hand that made me feel good about myself. On the other it made it hurt so much more because the one I wanted, was my ex-boyfriend Indy..
After a long and very very hard four days we got back together and things have been going pretty good. Laughing and smiling more now.

So the other night I was playing around on my myspace and talking to my friend David, when I saw I had a message from a guy in my stake who I went totally nuts for a few years ago. He's the tall southern country boy, you know, he had deep brown eyes and could dance oh my gosh! But what made me stop liking him was at my first youth confrence I walked out into the hallway and found him making out, he had set me up by pretending he liked me back then leading me out into the hallway to find him locking lips with some other girl! Some jerk right. Well his message was awkward and freakish because, well here's what he said to me. "Hey beautiful! Missed you at the dance, I only went to see you... Last time I saw you, you were always around that whats his face, well until I came and got my baby from you after it. Well um can I get your cell number so I can maybe call sometime?"
BABY?!! That was HIS baby? I just found a child in the hall alone so I stopped to play with it. Turns out mister cute country boy has a two year old child and is also engaged... My problem was why in the world would he ask me for my number when he's suppost to get married soon?...

Needless to say I think men are totally confusing and have learned theres a ton of creeps in the world. LOL..

This whole week I've been missing my friend, since her suicide I've leanred who my real friends are, and more importantly who their not.. I was wishing I could talk to her and she'd give me her advice and make things make sense once again.
But insted I put all my focus into "Mesaba" my candle busisnees. Today I set up my first display in the Herb shop, I was kinda proud of my self as I stepped back to look at my work and took in the smells of some of my favorites. Now I don't look for mesaba to make a lot of money or anything, but it's kinda fun so we'll see.

It's really gotten my mind off not getting into to collage like I so badly wanted.. I'm not sure if I'll ever get into a massage collage :-( but somewhere deep inside me I'm still holding out hope for UCMT...

All things considered, my week sucked. But could've been a lot worse, Indy and I could've not gotten back together. I could've lost Possum (which came close to happening)
So as long as I learned from all this it's a good thing... Right???