A Girls Dream

A Girls Dream

October 24 2011

Oh the matters of the heart

How it becomes every girls dream,

Simply put to some

While complicated to others it does seem.

My heart it ever belongs to you

Quite simple, sweet and true.

And though miles us do separate,

I know for sight of you and the brilliant glow of your smile

Every precious moment worth the wait.

Till I'm at your side once more

The beatings of my heart sound as a lions roar!

What matters to my heart,

Is that it's yours.

My every dream sweetly lies

In those beautifully soft green eyes.

With your hand in mine,

We'll leave our past behind.

Oh the matters of the heart

Easy to see the reflection in our eyes,

Hold me close and pray this love never dies.

While simple to see for some,

Others whisper 'it's a girls dream'

But what matters to my heart

Is it ever belongs to you...

New relationships

I've had a friend for a while whom I had met at my very firt YSA thing, I thought he was cute but I was in a relationship at the time so we became pretty good friends.

As time passed we talked more and more and I started to like him, so I invited him to come down to the powwow I was going to and he actually came. We hung out and had a great time, when he went to leave I did everything I could think of to stall and keep him there because I just didn't want that day to end.

Sometime after that we started dating, he asked me a couple times to be his girlfriend and I said no because I had been so hurt in the past and I felt like I wasn't worth much so I turned him down. He knew I really liked him and was a little scared so he didn't push and we kept up our talking.

So I don't know how long we've been boyfriend-girlfriend but we very much are, our relationship isn't like others how ever.. We pray together and we read scriptures together as well, he isn't that kinda guy that has to kiss me all the time or constantly have his arm around or whatever. He's very laid back and respectful of me, he knows I don't like being touched so most of the time I grab his hand or hug him.

I find myself being completely open and honest with him, we have no secrets from each other, even on the bad things, and I for one am very glad of that.

But there's something more, it's almost impossible to explain really. I struggle to find words that come close to describing it but he makes me feel important and special, I know I matter to him and there have been times where I just needed him so he dropped everything and drove and hour and a half just to be with me for an hour or two. I know if I need him he'll be there, and that he'll be there when I just want him to be. (which is beyond awesome)

I don't know, I see myself differently with him. I have been able to look at myself in the mirror and say "hey! even with no makeup on I'm pretty!" and that is so weird to me! Me? Pretty? Yeah three months ago I couldn't say that.. The first time he called me a lady I broke down and cried... And now he lets me know every day that I'm a daughter of God and that I am a lady no matter what anyone else says. Morgan says he's turning me into a girl, hahaha.

And I in turn am always trying to boost him up and let him know how special he is, he's a convert to the church and he's so in love with the gospel. It amazes me how many times we discuss the gospel and scriptures, it's really cool when I'm able to tell my boyfriend "Verse 8 stuck out at me because.." and for him to say "Hey I liked this chapeter in Alma you should go check it out" it helps us grow closer as a couple and grow closer to our Heavenly Father as well.

There was one time I was very depressed and thinking about some things that had happened in the past and John sat there and listened to me then without a moments delay he told me to pray about it and that he would do the same and he said if I had the faith enough that my hurt would stop it'd stop. And it did.

He may be a convert but he teaches me so much and helps me realize things about the church I hadn't ever paid attention to. I love that! It's like looking at the church with another set of eyes.

Well this saturday I'm going to meet his family and have dinner with them, now normally here is where I would say that I'm completely nervous and worried but in this case it'd be a lie. I'm nothing less than excited and happy about it, he is the only memeber in his family but they sound like very nice kind hearted people. And who wouldn't want to meet the family of the person their in love with?

Our relationship is far different from anything I've ever known and many different reasons can be given for that, but what I know is that at this point in our lives we are meant to be together and that only John could make me happy in the ways that he does. What time may hold, only our Heavenly Father can reveal to us.. But for now, I enjoy the chances to get closer and spend every second getting to know him even better. Even though few know me better, and those few could only be my parents and my brother.

But between us, answers to prayers come in mysterious ways sometimes. :) Even when we don't mean to be looking for them..

I had planned to write Manti a dear john letter after he got in the feild, I made Manti a deal before he left, well it wasn't so much a deal as much as me saying "No! Not gonna happen till you get back!" so my plan was to write him a letter and basically break up with him and tell him that he was right and that I was sorry blah blah blah, well John and I started dating and I realized "oh crud, Manti was right.." and Manti being my best friend I wanted to be the one to tell him about John and I dating, so I asked everyone to not say anything till I did but somebody wrote Manti and told him about "Mesa's boyfriend" which made me a little mad because there was a very important reason I was waiting to tell him, so I get this email from Manti that said;

"I know what you've been up to ;) and if you both it's right let nno man stand your way. Not that you would anyway. ;)" and it shocked me worse than finding a snake in your sock drawr. So I wrote him back a long letter explaining most everything, but knowing how in tune with the spirit he is right now that he'd know the rest without me having to say it.

I'm still gonna dear john him, just gonna wait a bit longer so it'll catch him off guard. haha

Outta be interesting ;)

Answers to Prayers

Answers to prayers are mysterious things, sometimes they come right away and other times they come when you least expect it or sometimes you simply quit thinking about it move on and by "accident" you find the answers when you aren't looking anymore..

Last tuesday it was my turn to give the lesson in my young single adult groups family home evening and I had talked to my friend to try and come up with a topic. When I teach I like my lessons to be personal, spiritual , and thought provoking. So finding a personal topic was a little tricky. Sunday came along and I still didn't have any idea for a lesson.. I was starting to worry a little bit because everybody was depending on me to have a good lesson. So the pressure was on and I wasn't feeling the lesson planning spirit.
I had been thinking so hard on planning a lesson that I didn't pay attention to the answers I was getting pertaining to other more important matters.
I in earlier blogs I had mentioned a change I felt coming and I had somewhat an idea of what it might be but when I prayed about it, it became clear that it wasn't time for me to know yet. Annoying right?
So I began preparing of changes without a sure knowledge of what I was preparing for, saturday night I was reading with my friend who I really really liked, and I found some Scripture by accident that basically told me the answers. When I read it I fell to my knees and with tears in my eyes I prayed and asked "Is this REALLY my answer?" and I asked that if it be my answer that I know without doubt in unshakable a surety that it was my answer..
Sunday afternoon I went to a friends house to spend the day since we had a fireside later that night, and on the wall I saw the words "1st John 4:7" and that made me curious, if you know me you know my curiosity is intense so I became very antsy until I came home and read that chapter. Lots of things were on my mind that day and I kept praying over and over asking "is this really it? Am I taking what I want from this or is it really the spirit?" and I devoted my every single thought to finding out if it was me or the spirit.
Thus I got a great idea, people at church have been trying to set me up with people and have been doing all sorts of butting in concerning me and it bugged me. So I decided to do a little research on the topic of following the spirit, and give my lesson on that.
I found soo many things that I needed and that not only proved to me what I was feeling regarding my answer, but it had gotten pounded into my heart that it was indeed the spirit and not my own desires to the point that I couldn't deny what was going on.. I prepared my lesson and upon Tuesday my friend knew about my lesson and was kinda doing the same soul searching and questioning that I was, so he(hint) came to my FHE group, I was over joyed he was there because it was not only moral support but it was proof on another matter as well. As I'm giving the lesson I started to choke up in front of everyone, but not only because I'm super nervous having to talk in front of all them. But because I'm a crier, when I feel something strongly I cry, and the spirit was so strong I couldn't fight it. After all I did ask for it to be so clear even I couldn't deny it.. Guess I kinda had that coming huh..
My lesson went well and everyone said they needed. But today in stake conference one of the speakers said the same things I had in my lesson. I was blown away, after all the work I put into my lesson and the experience I had with it, they reassured it to me yet again that it really wasn't me. The kicker of that is, everyone that spoke in conference was told not to give the talk they wrote, but to follow whatever the spirit told them.. Kinda awesome isn't it? So sometimes answers come when you least expect it and sometimes when you ask for it to be unmistakably clear, it'll get proven everyday until you admit it. In my case, it's still being proven everyday. Which is awesome because it's the extra boost I need to continue following it, through the hard times.