Well as of today Indy and I have been together for eight months. (Whoo go us!) We've had our rough patches and even took a break for a while, but we always figure a way to work it out.
A lot of people think that because we're teenagers that we're one of two things, either we're just after each others bodies (which in this case I've heard a lot!) or that we're not REALLY feeling the way we are.
Well I'm frankly tired of being treated like just because I'm 17 that I don't know how I feel. After eight months I think it's safe to say that nobody knows but me how I feel for this boy!
It's only been two weeks since he took me to the hockey game, which is was the best night ever. We spent hours just being together, even the very sucky ride to and from where we weren't aloud to sit together, was very worth it. The whole two hour car ride we barely spoke to each other so thank goodness for cell phones hahaha.
As much as I dislike valentines day, I was really wanting to spend this one with Indy. Well clearly it didn't happen, and neither did the ball which I was heart broken about. You know it wasn't really the ball that I was looking forward to, it was the fact that when I'm not with him I hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. It's like my heart just wants to quit, I don't even know to explain how I feel. I hate to admit it, but I cry so much at night when I can't sleep just because I miss him and it hurts so bad.
You can say that I'm being dramatic, but I'm not! I wish that it hurt this bad, but it does and thats the simple and plain truth.
This saturday is a valentines dance for the stake youth, I'm excited to see him and feel like I'm alive again. I can tell you now, I won't want to go home. Cause I never do when I'm with him, it's like when I'm there with him I can't stop smiling and wishing that I could be like that all the time. I get called "The Emo Loner Indian" all the time, but when I'm with him those same people say I'm more perky and bubbly. I wear a lot of black and prefer to, so that I'm not as noticed and get left ALONE. One of my young womens leaders told me I was a pretty wall flower.
But just because I wear black and leave my hair in my face doesn't mean that I'm not able to let loose and be happy.
Honestly I pretend to be a lot happier then I normally am, you can ask the kids in seminary or read my journal to find that out. I've even pretended a few times with Indy, just because I had things on my mind that I couldn't shake off. Now I'm not saying he or I are perfect, cause we're not. We both say and do things that prove that, but what couple doesn't?!
On that same note, he is perfect. He tries so hard to make me happy and comfortable. He can be so sweet and romantic sometimes, it can get me all chocked up and teary eyed. I feel so pretty and different with him, I feel so safe cause the boy is very protective of me. He won't even do anything like kiss me if he thinks it'll startle me. He even stands up to his family for me, which means more to me then you'd imagine.
He's good at making me feel like the little things that I'm so insacure (yes I know I misspelled it) about like my lips and such, are perfect. Indy knows when and how to say "your beautiful" and "I love you"
Little secret, I like it even when he calls me Catherine. Which has gotten many a person (even brothers) hit pretty hard.
When I look into his amazing hazel eyes I see things that I wish others would take the time to notice too. He'll tell you right quick that I'll sit there and stare into his eyes and have to look away and giggle. I blush so bad every time just because I see how he feels and as though you may not believe it, I listen to his heart beat while looking into his eyes. It sometimes makes me laugh how it'll change beats by what I do. What I really want is for my parents to see how he and I are around each other, and see how he'll look down at me and catch my eye and we'll just sit there until I blush and look away. I think it'd show them that what we feel is true.
I love my Indy, I really do. And I just can't stand being away from him. I've heard it said my whole life that love hurts, but I now understand what that means!
For these are the pains of love!
