Does that chapter end or is it only beginning?

Well hmm, where to start? Here I'll start with this. When I was 15 I went to a friends mission farewell and met a guy.. Didn't think anyting about him, I mean I didn't pay attention to him AT ALL... Till I started seeing him more at church and began to notice things about him, things like how his eyes shine when he smiled and the way he laughed. You know that kinda thing.
I never meant to fall for him! Never ever did I try to even like him, because well.. He was a missionary... (Yeah I know bad Mesa! Very bad Mesa)

Long story short he began to feel the same, and asked to be moved. It was really hard for the first little while and I was always thinking about him. Let me tell you, that'll drive you crazy! Little after a year later I met this other guy at a powwow, not the best guy in the world and infact he wasn't really a good guy at all. I thought Zack would help me forget about the missionary and he did a little. But six months later after a the longest relationship I've ever had things ended badly with Zack and I was hardly thinking about the missionary at all.
Then a few months later a friend of mine and I began to talk more and more and we dated some, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, due to reasons I rather not go into at the moment I broke things off soon after a month of being together with Sean.
By then I never thought about the missionary.

Now I have another boyfriend who makes me really really REALLY happy and means to world to me, his name "Indy" well Indy isn't his real name, but you know how some people like my dad are named Thomas and go by Tom? Ok with Indy it's pretty much the same thing. So life is good and I'm happier then I've been in a long time, well then I find the poem I wrote about the missionary a few years ago and of corse that got me thinking about him. So before I finsh the story here is my poem. Ridiculous.

Ridiculous
Mesa Bailey
December 2 2007

Can’t let myself feel like this!
It’s so ridiculous.
I find I’m thinking about you,
Both day and night
But still I wonder,
Is it right?
To want to see you’re face,
Smiling back to me,
To long for you’re voice,
That’s calling my name.
This is not the same!
I feel so ridiculous,
Why do I feel like this?
Every where I turn,
I see you’re loving face.
I wonder if it’s right.
Only to prepare for the fight!
Can’t do this to myself!
Even still,
I don’t want to let you go.
Can we be?
I just don’t know.
I love for you.
I can never show!
I’m so ridiculous.
It’s so ridiculous,
To hide from this!

So it may sound really silly coming from a 15 year old girl, but that's truely how I felt. Now heres the part that throws me for a loop, I mean holy cow have I gone crazy!...

Last time I saw the missionary he came back to Georgia to tell me he was getting married. Yes that shattered my heart, I was hurt for a very long time. But a year or so later I have a good boyfriend who I care a lot about (Indy) So about a week ago guess who I see at church......... The missionary... Yeah I'm shocked and caught off guard by him being at church, I did what any normal teenager would do, I hid. I over heard him talking about why he came back and was majorly shocked. So much so I started crying.

A day or three later daddy and I are sitting on the sofa talking about well a lot of things. It was one of "those" talks, you know, and I told him about Elder Manley and we talked about him for a while. After we were done talking I went back to my chores and my cell phone rings. It wasn't the song I have set for my boyfriend or my mom, so I knew it wasn't that important. It didn't show a number, but I answered it anyway and guess who it is..... Speak of the devil, (or in my case elder) it's Elder Manley all he said was " Hello Mesa" and I dropped the phone and it shut and hung up on him. Daddy looked up at me and smiled and said "Well now, who was that?" Stunned I couldn't answer him and insted I started crying and he came and hugged me and we started laughing at his timing.

Since then I've spoken once on the phone with the Elder and learned his first name and all that stuff. He's gone back out of Georgia now and said he'd write me when he got home.

People say being a teenager is confussing. Trust me, it's VERY confussing. LOL
So my worlds been turned up side down, I'm not sure how I feel about anything anymore. Which is fine.

Only nine days until Indy comes home (which I'm very excited for!!!!) That's one thing I do know, I can't wait until he's home again and I can see him :-)

Whoa, I feel all better and kinda light headed now. So as you can see, this truely the Madness of Mesa.